Sometimes in the dead of night you can hear the screams… somewhere in a land far off you can even see their dreams…

Only here and never there are where they like to dwell

What they think and how they feel

One can never tell.

Let me go to yonder place,

I no longer wish to be here…

Let me go and leave me be

I no longer wish to fear.

Acidical love,
melts me where I stand.
It pours through my soul
each time you take my hand.

My whole being is enveloped
when you are around.
It flows through the sky
it soaks into the ground.

It washes over me
like a cool refreshing flood;
seeping into my bones
mixing with my flesh and blood.

Normal love
cannot ever compare
with the acidical love
that you and I share.

Stop the world, I want off.
don't make me take another trip

Let me off... this is my stop
No more trips around the sun
Stop the world, I get off here
Let me go so I can run

The world won't let me go
I scream but no one hears me
I need to get off now
damned gravity...

It was a dark and stormy night, one Friday afternoon

The fish kissed the clouds once more

The water going upstream, suddenly went down

Rabid dogs tearing apart the dreams a kid once knew

And strewing them across the junkyard we call life

Children playing with shattered pieces of broken hearts

Partial dreams and hopeless thoughts become their toys of choice

Taxi down this dead end life taxing your failures and fears

While the hopeful try to leave their shacks, we know they will return

Mindless faces with faceless minds, the leaders leading the pack

While the followers stay behind, and try to raise a rabble

Let’s all be good boys and girls and listen to the prophets of old

Never caring where we are, in the junkyard that is life

The train has imploded the station, the conductor lost his time

I’m only crazy enough to keep from losing my mind

The end

I will send my love in a package marked return to sender

So you have no troubles when rejecting my intentions.

I have no choice, you have no obligation, I have been blind.

You have seen everything, and yet you have seen nothing.

Your pen upon the paper just as knives through my back

You look on at my shortcomings, noticing nothing you lack

You liar, look at me now, look what you missed

You'll never know the real me, not who I am on the in

I have always wondered if you would forget her, forgotten me

The one you always overlooked, the one you'd never see

They call me Ms. Never, because I'm never going to get things right.

But you would never know that, because you never cared.

You are too ignorant to realize, look in my eyes

Take the plunge, step out of your box - don't be afraid

But then again, rejection is as a razor through the heart

As I am dutifully reminded when my package returns to its sender once more.

The end

JL & AM

My cousin and I wrote this poem a long time ago. It was a joint poem. I wrote a line, he wrote a line, and so on and so forth. Thus, the fruits of our boredom.

Opening the bottle

I hold my fate...

Twisting the cap off

Is my first mistake.

I look, and what do I find?

500 milligrams of pain

One pill will make you groan

And two will make you feel insane.

They bumped me up a notch or two

He says I’m still not evened out.

I really don’t know what they’re doing

I still don’t know what this is all about.

I pour the pills into my hand,

They’re capsuled tablets of torment

Fucking with my life, skewing my perception.

My reality – now bent.  

The glass I filled with water

Is still half empty at best

[Yes, I meant this pessimistically

And I knew I could’ve done less.]

I see him in the shadows there,

From a distance breathing on my skin

I don’t think he’ll ever let me out...

And he won’t let me let anyone in.

Fuck it... 

I pick up the glass...

Fuck you...

I throw in the pills.

I close my eyes and hold back tears

And swallow with a toss of my head

I know that even in a couple of years

I’ll still wish I were dead.

Floating

Through my mind and all the places

The dark and hallowed places

In the very recesses of my head...

I hear that demon lurking

That ever present shadow...

That tangible thing called temptation.

Around the corners and the bends

Those very twisted lies are creeping

Seeping into my cognitive mind.

Through the muffled voices

The demons’ muffled voices...

I hear the very thing I’ve come to dread...

So long have I been able

To remain thus far stable

But again I hear them floating in my head.

Those cruel thoughts

Those until now very quiet thoughts

Anxious to become reality.

So when I lie in slumber

A very fitful slumber

Those voices in my head begin to Hiss...

“You will not escape us...

You can never erase us...

We are part of you and you of us.

You have received some sort of reprieve

And for a time we let you have it

But now our opportunity has arisen once more...

And we are going to grab it.”

Floating through my mind and the places

Those dark and hallowed places

Where once I found my solace and my peace...

But now in all those places

Those dark and hallowed places...

They torment me and they shall never cease.

Feeling the tears rising up from within

The memories pounding inside of my skull.

I feel the weight of the burdens in my heart

And I know the pressure of high expectations.

Don’t tell me what to do…

I push down my tears

I drown the memories and quiet the voices

I try to cut the burdens loose,

but carve my heart out as well.

This is not who I am…

Hollowed, emptied, drained, alone…

I find myself shirking back into the darkness –

The darkness I had escaped…

The cold and empty darkness

This is once again my home.

She turned away…

What he’d told her struck her to the core

It felt as though her heart

Lay beating upon the floor.

She didn’t understand at first

What he’d said and why

She could see the pain in his face

She could see the tear in his eye.

“I have to go,” he’d said

as he pulled her in for a tight embrace

“They need me there tomorrow…”

he wiped the tears from her face.

She cast her eyes downward…

But he wouldn’t let her turn away,

She wasn’t going to leave him,

She just didn’t know what to say.

“Do you really have to go?”

she said with a break in her voice.

“Yes,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her

“You know this wasn’t my choice.”

“I know.” She said sadly shaking her head

as tears ran down her face

“I want you to remember how much I love you

and no one could ever take your place.”

“Ditto,” he said

before he kissed her one last time.

That one kiss conveyed everything

She needed to know which was; “All mine.”

And then, looking upwards

with bright, yet doleful eyes,

“I just want you to know that I love you,

and just remember, ‘Semper Fi’.”

I could hear the friction of the flint

The hissing of the gasses escaping their confinement

I could see the small blue and yellow sparks

Develop into a small flame.

The flame, although small; lit up the room.

With my back to the head board and my eyes on the flame,

I reached for my device of release.

I placed my hands on the bedside table and found it.

A long, silver needle, thicker than most

For it is used for much more resilient materials

Such as denim, or leather.

With the needle in my right

And the flame in my left

I began the procedure with which I had refrained from

For such a long time I had nearly forgotten the feeling.

I believe that it is in our deepest state of euphoria

That we remember our loneliest low.

And that begins our downfall.

We know that it will be over in a short while

And we are afraid to lose it.

So instead of waiting for depression to find us…

We confront it first…

we provoke it into onslaught.

We cause our own problems.

Whilst I was sitting and pondering these things,

I could feel the metal heating beneath my fingertips

I let the flame die in my hands.

The needle did not look any different.

The flame had not changed its appearance.

But I knew better than to “judge a book by its cover”

And I handled it with care.

How ironic, to handle it with care,

when I intend to harm myself…

I laughed at this thought

as it went swimming through my head.

I held it tight between my fingers

I wouldn’t let it slip.

It hadn’t been too long off of the flames’ tongue.

I had to do it quick.

I had already found its destination

While I was preparing the tools of my relief.

My keyhole to the door of temporary liberation.

I aimed the needle there.

I lay the needle down to rest

And I felt it before it lay still upon my arm.

I felt it before, during and after…

And as I write, I feel it still.

The needle came to rest upon my innocent skin

I could hear the popping of my flesh...

the searing of my body...

Freedom, at high degrees.

 Please forgive me...

I did not mean to intrude.

 I beg your pardon

I do not wish to be rude.

 I will turn away and run

you will not see me cry

 I will let you do your worst

and you will never hear me sigh.

 You do what it is that you wish to do

do not let me stand in your way

 I am not the one for you anymore

that was yesterday.

Falling down into my soul

Were the last words you

let linger upon your lips.

You came to my window that early morning

To bid me farewell again.

You said the words I needed to hear.

A state of unwell has settled on me

For your safety,

Not for mine.

I will be strong,

I will push through this,

I am yours forever.

You had me at the beginning

You had me at the start

You had me yet again when you said those words to me.

I am here, still waiting

Just like I was before.

And here I will be waiting still

Until you come home.

Tearing, bleeding, ripping,

Is my heart now torn to shreds,

Leaving nothing but pathetic fragments

Dripping with pain and torment.

Trying to break through to you

Has completely broken me.

I can no longer go on…

The pain has consumed me…

My emotions no longer flow

They are as dry as the desert floors.

I am empty inside… squeezed violently

Of ever last ounce of love I once held.

Torn, beaten, shattered, gone…

My heart no longer exists…

It has been used up, worn out…

Torn to pieces and dying.

I tried to help… I really tried,

Please forgive my failure…

I told you I would do whatever I could

Until it killed me…

I have at least made good on one promise…

Can you hear me?

I’m crying inside…

Can you see me?

I’m all alone tonight.

I walk through this world so cold;

An emblem of broken ecstasy.

A symbol for the past that has died…

Can you see me?

I stand in the midst of the pouring rain

I tilt my head back and scream…

“Why?”

Can you hear me?

No answer received…

I continue to walk alone amidst a sea of

Desolation, despondency, and loneliness…

You can’t see me.

Shivering, cringing and lonely

I stand before the face of Darkness.

I am no martyr,

No light against its forces.

I am merely a pawn

Caught in a battle of souls;

An obstacle thrown away at random –

I am nothing.

I found my self trapped

Not right where I needed to be,

But in the wrong place,

At the right time.

Venomously the Darkness

Beckons for my immediate removal

From this game.

I, trembling, am rooted where I stand.

I feel a force throw me to the ground

The oxygen escapes my lungs rapidly,

Making me believe there are chains

Encircling my chest – I am not allowed to breathe.

On the ground I writhe and contort

My ever-weakening body.

I know as well as the amused Darkness

That it is of no use.

“Move about a bit,

you worthless little pawn…”

I hear It chuckle and chide.

“Go ahead and twist…”

“Exhort all of the energy

that your miserable and

mortal body holds.

You are nothing to Me…”

With that last heart-wrenching statement

I feel the Darkness move away;

Instead of the room filling with

That fabled light of life…

The room is left hollowed…

Empty…

Even more so than before.

Embraceth me,

I plead with thee

I beg of thy hallowed mercy.

Taketh mine tortured and worthless soul

Out of this wretched body.

Wrap thine arms,

Cold and pale

Around my suffering heart.

Sweet Death; embraceth me.

Show me thy power, thy strength

Send it in waves throughout mine veins.

Strike me now, strike me through

And then, O comforting Death,

Embraceth me.

Be all that thou art

To me and more.

Comforting Death,

Wise friend...

Outstretch thine tranquil arms

And end my pain.

I only have one want and wish

A singular plea outspoken.

Please, I beg of thee,

Mine comfort and safe haven….

Hallowed Death,

Embraceth me.

Here I am again…

I, in my twisted mind

Have become alone

And at last, forgotten.

Shut me up,

Shut me out

Keep me away from you.

It is for the best

It is for the best….

Yes,

It is for the best.

Twisted in my mind

Are those words you’ve spoken to me

In my mind they are clear

And as correct as they can be.

Shut me out,

Lock me up…

I need to be in solitary.

It is for the best…

I felt it that night

As we lay under the stars

Halloween Night.

You and I.

Contemplation.

With my head resting safely

Upon your stomach…

Talking like the old friends that we were.

Elation.

I looked into your brown eyes

And I saw many a thing…

Humor, love, a future…

Perception.

We spoke of the old days,

How we’ve done in the absence of each other

What we have been doing.

Recollection.

During the course of our conversation

We revealed some until then

Unknown information.

Revelation.

Astonished as we were

To find out the things we did

Onward we kept falling…

Exploration.

Now here we are

Together… like we were on Halloween night.

Lying underneath the stars…

Protection.

Embrace me…

I pleaded and I begged

The way that you used to do.

Embrace me…

I looked into His eyes,

So empty and hollow.

No remorse,

No love…

The eyes that had searched through my damaged soul

Now has no soul of their own

The fire has died

You are a shell of the man you were…

I turn away…

I cannot look into those eyes that,

Though they have entranced me…

They now repulse me…

You are dead… lifeless

There is no fire in your soul

And no soul that could hold a candle’s flame

Empty and hollow

You are the man that I loved